Now I’m of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret …

What a turn my life has taken over the past six months. 

Exactly 6 months ago this Wednesday, AP and I split up. And while the end of any relationship should be something to mourn even if just a little bit, I felt relief. The day all of her stuff was out of our apartment, I finally felt like I could breathe again.

For almost 2 months I had to learn how to live by myself. I’ve never lived alone except for those two months. In October, my current roommate (SK) moved in (I had another one for awhile, but he was horrid and not worth mentioning), and I wasn’t alone anymore. He’s a bit younger than me, but one of my absolute best friends. He and I got drunk together, went out to bars together, hit on girls together, went to strip clubs together, played large amounts of Magic the Gathering together, played video games together… did virtually everything together until we both got jobs. In those two months where SK and I were out and about catting around, I felt like I was finally living the life that I had been denied. I never really partied all that much in college, well in my life with AP anyways. Before that, I have distinct fuzzy recollections of drunken spin the bottle, drinking games, making out with strangers, getting groped by my friend’s girlfriend, having a gay boy vampire give me a hickey and drink my blood (there were fangs involved)…. having a great time in other words! And then I met AP and that had all stopped. 

But this post isn’t about dwelling on the things I was denied, this post is about celebrating the new life I have been creating for myself.

Now, I’ve made a bunch of new friends who are really all awesome people, I’ve spent a lot more times with the friends I had from before, I’ve gone out dancing at gay bars, had a lot of fun experimenting with different things that I hadn’t tried before (like smoking a hookah, and cigars) and just figuring out what kinds of things I like to do! 

In the past month, I have barely watched any television. I used to watch HOURS every day, every week. I had shows I kept up with regularly… that I would count the hours until a new episode would be available online… and not only have I been so busy that I haven’t had time to watch tv, I haven’t really wanted to at all.

The other day when Amanda was at her working interview at one of the best fine dining restaurants here in St. Louis, and I was home by myself without a car (SK had it) for the first time in weeks, I had time to watch tv. So I procured an episode of one of my shows and began to watch it… it was an episode that I had missed because of being busy, and as I watched it, I found myself getting angry, like viscerally angry with the characters for being so stupid. I had to stop watching it. 

Now this has never happened to me before. I’ve been watching a lot of tv for as long as I can remember. I’ve always loved being able to get sucked into a story and lose myself in the characters and just veg. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t shut off my brain and just enjoy the fluffy stupidness of the show. 

So apparently beyond wanting to dress up more and fit the part of my job more… I also now don’t really enjoy watching tv. I guess I really am growing up. Which is a thought that scares me a lot.  I’ve enjoyed always feeling like an overgrown teenager once I reached ‘adulthood’ and while I still go out, have fun, spend time with my friends, and even do crazy shit every once in a while, I’m feeling more and more like an adult. 

Okay lets run the ‘real adult’ check list shall we? 

– Real job 

– adult relationship

– adult wardrobe

-pays bills like an adult

-thinking about the future in a serious way


HOLY SHIT. I’m an adult. 

When did that happen?

Apparently it’s possible to live life and yet be an adult. I guess I had always sort of associated being an ‘adult’ with living a boring life. But that’s not the case, well my case anyways. 

(So do you guys like how kind of stream of consciousness my blog posts are usually? Or is this one just more Faulkner-ish than usual?)



I think my brain needs a jump start.

Anyone got any brain cables?






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