….or rather a company that would hire me for a regular wage, and is now giving me positive affirmation of my abilities.
Let me back up.
October, I quit my job at American Income because I was being bullied. I told them to go fuck themselves, and they fucked me out of my last two paychecks.
Cue a month and a half job hunt where I’ve probably put in over 200 applications and sent my resume out, gone to how many interviews? And I get a part time seasonal job at UPS as a package sorter.
Not rocket science, not even science. If you can follow basic instructions you can do this job, you don’t even need to know how to read (though that does help).
Day one, my supervisor tells me I’m doing a good job.
Today was my 6th day of work, which means I’ve been there for just over a week, and tonight as he was telling me I could go home, my supervisor told me that I was doing an amazing job and that he really appreciated it. (His words, not mine.)
Now for some of you, this might not sound like big news, but for me, it is.
Backing up again…
Since I moved back to St. Louis from Los Angeles, (over 2 years now) I have had two full time jobs, and now three different part time jobs. This is the ONLY positive affirmation I have received about my job performance SINCE my job in Los Angeles. That’s over two years of never hearing anything good about myself at work. I only heard negative things at Exclusive Events, and was told I needed to work harder and produce more and why wasn’t I just getting on board? at American Income. UMSL has been notoriously tight lipped about telling me what kind of job I’m doing, but due to my obvious lack of hours and the fact that my boss there apparently dislikes me, I think that stands for itself. I barely worked at Millenium Productions, so they’re the outlier, but needless to say, I needed something positive.
So it’s my birthday in less than a week, and while I don’t want her back, I am finding myself feeling increasingly confused about what I should do now that I don’t have Amy here for my birthday. It’s been 7 birthdays since I’ve celebrated without her. That’s right, the last one was my 19th birthday, and I had Portfolio Review for Conservatory the same day so I had way more on my plate then. And like I said, I don’t want her back, I’m just not sure how to do a birthday without her anymore. But my mom has mailed Shea the brownie mix so that I can have my traditional birthday brownies (the mix is in the backseat of my car). So that will be a constant, and I have to work, so I know that too. But everything else, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where we should go, what we should do… anything like that. Should I celebrate twice? (Once on my birthday, and once that next weekend to catch folks who couldn’t meet up after I get done at work at UPS).
Its all very confusing.
But right now, I cling to “you’re doing an amazing job and I really appreciate it.” Like the lifeline it is.