It’s been a while…

Since I could hold my head upright….

 

Ok, enough of the Staind lyrics.

But it has been a while since I’ve written anything, here or anywhere else. But this morning, I awoke early, a gorgeous fall morning here in St. Louis, my cat sequestered himself under the blankets right next to me, and for once, I wasn’t exhausted when I woke up! 

I then proceded to make myself some breakfast, tea, toast and scrambled eggs. 

And now I’m writing.

A lot of things have happened to me since I last posted.

I’ve been working really hard at my new job, having some success, getting my footing and confidence. 

Amy left me.

A little over a month ago.

And I was down about that for a while, but things are looking up.

This morning, I woke up genuinely happy. Not just the happy that I felt for a while there after I made myself think about the situations in which I find myself, but genuinely happy without any provocation.

So despite the fact that I do mourn the loss of an important long term relationship (six and a half years), I’m feeling more at peace with myself, with life, feeling more  like myself than I have in a while. 

I don’t think I’ve felt this sense of contentment since I dropped out of conservatory six years ago and started my new path in life. After that, I had felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like I didn’t know how downtrodden and depressed I had been until I wasn’t feeling it anymore. (Of course, back then when I felt better, I realized that I probably had been suicidal and hadn’t realized it-not this case this time, I just wasn’t happy and didn’t realize how unhappy I had been.)

So, to wrap it up before I get too maudlin, I’m happy now. And I just wanted to share that with all of you.

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One comment

  1. Trey

    Glad to hear things are looking up–good things tend to snowball very similar to bad things, so ride the good feeling! Be productive and realize how awesome life truly is when you appreciate all the opportunities you get when you wake up in the morning.

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