Since I could hold my head upright….
Ok, enough of the Staind lyrics.
But it has been a while since I’ve written anything, here or anywhere else. But this morning, I awoke early, a gorgeous fall morning here in St. Louis, my cat sequestered himself under the blankets right next to me, and for once, I wasn’t exhausted when I woke up!
I then proceded to make myself some breakfast, tea, toast and scrambled eggs.
And now I’m writing.
A lot of things have happened to me since I last posted.
I’ve been working really hard at my new job, having some success, getting my footing and confidence.
Amy left me.
A little over a month ago.
And I was down about that for a while, but things are looking up.
This morning, I woke up genuinely happy. Not just the happy that I felt for a while there after I made myself think about the situations in which I find myself, but genuinely happy without any provocation.
So despite the fact that I do mourn the loss of an important long term relationship (six and a half years), I’m feeling more at peace with myself, with life, feeling more like myself than I have in a while.
I don’t think I’ve felt this sense of contentment since I dropped out of conservatory six years ago and started my new path in life. After that, I had felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like I didn’t know how downtrodden and depressed I had been until I wasn’t feeling it anymore. (Of course, back then when I felt better, I realized that I probably had been suicidal and hadn’t realized it-not this case this time, I just wasn’t happy and didn’t realize how unhappy I had been.)
So, to wrap it up before I get too maudlin, I’m happy now. And I just wanted to share that with all of you.